THE SECRETS TO GREAT LOVEMAKING

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The biggest secret to being a great lover is simply to relax and enjoy. Take your time and savor each moment, each touch, feel and movement as you might savor a good wine. Become a gourmet love maker with a romantic attitude of love and adoration for your partner. Get rid of hang-ups and allow yourself to do what is very natural. Don't be shy, it's okay to talk about sex things. Tell and show your partner what feels good to you.

When making love focus your attentions on pleasing and pleasuring your lover. If there are no mental or emotional blocks, nature will return the favor allowing you to derive the greatest pleasures of lovemaking. If there are emotional blocks, such as impotence, premature ejaculation or lack of sexual desire, to your lovemaking, they won't go away by themselves, get professional help.

MAKING LOVE VS ORDINARY SEX

Making love, romantic love, as compared to having sex, is vastly different. Making love is significantly more pleasurable. Compare it to having filet minion or a cheap hamburger. You can have a hamburger anytime and just gobble it down. But a steak like filet minion, you will savor and enjoy. Making love is the filet minion of sexual intercourse. You can have SEX anytime. By yourself or with a partner. Your body will respond well enough for you to engage in the sex act and have a sexual climax but that is not lovemaking.

Romantic lovemaking on the other hand, can be an all day affair with subtle hints at favors to be shared later. Every look, touch, word (even on the phone) can have loving and sensual undertones filled with images and anticipated pleasures. By the end of the day when you finally do get together it will be "your dreams come true."

Romantic evenings, with a bottle of wine, crackers and cheese add to the intensity of anticipated pleasures. Cuddling and fondling can go a long way towards making your fantasies come true. It is the dreaming and planning which builds desire. Do it often.

What is preventing you from having a GREAT sex life? STRESS could be. Stress is the number one problem in relationships and comes in many forms. Wherever the cause of the stress, workplace, home environment, lack of money, possibly the relationship itself, stressful emotions can put a cap on sex, and romantic lovemaking just doesn't happen.

The solutions to stress are as varied as the problems of stress. It is important to recognize your stress and how it is effecting your relationship. Ask yourself, what are some of the things I can change? What do I have to accept as an unchangeable reality? What are some of the stressful things in my life I cannot change? Am I unnecessarily reacting and up tight about the pressures of life? When and what am I going to do about the things I can change? Make a plan and just do it.

Additionally, an effective and simple solution to handling everyday stress problems, such as the pressures at work, is to learn some relaxation techniques, meditation or SELF-HYPNOSIS. You can also use an audio recording like POWERNAP that will help you to relax at the end of your day paving the way to a much more loving relationship. When you're not stressed, you're much more open to making love.

ANGER

ANGER AND ARGUMENTSl DON'T lend themselves to romantic lovemaking. No one wants to make love after being yelled at or being made to feel sub-human. If and when your partner has yelling or screaming fits he or she is out of control.
HINT: Don't yell back. If you raise your voice you will lose control as well. You have a better chance of resolving the moment by keeping your voice down. This will effectively keep you much more in control. Talk it out later when they are calmer.

Communications are very important in maintaining a loving relationship. I believe it was Plato who said, "Falling in love is easy. Keeping it is more difficult." Want to keep the relationship? Communicate!

Anger and rage that is either too frequent or excessive for the present situation usually has its origin deeply rooted in the past. Anger destroys lovemaking and destroys relationships. Get deep-seated anger cleared up. Learn more about negative emotions.

Resentment is much like anger in that it is emotionally stored, like a stack of dirty dishes on top of the other. Each new "incident" compounds the annoyance. The definition of resentment is to feel or express indignant displeasure at something you regard as wrong, insulting or injurious either to yourself or others.

Resentment can drag on for a long time poisoning everything and everyone in its path. Your relationship falls apart, sexual desires diminish or just go away and the lives of those around you often becomes a living hell.

It requires a great deal of energy to feed and refuel resentment. Like a railroad train, once those feelings are set into motion stopping them on your own can be virtually impossible. The "offender(s)" will never be able to stop your resentment since they are the reason for your feelings of annoyance. It's up to you.

It seems that nothing anyone says or does will correct the injustices that they have inflicted on you. Resentment gets played over and over again in your head at real or imagined injustices making them seem worse and making you more emotional. There becomes little or no room for genuine communication in or out of the bedroom. Don't expect to have great sex until you resolve those feelings of resentment.

Solutions to resentment can come from forgiveness a little bit of resolution therapy and a desire to be happy again. Perhaps we can help you rekindle that inner core of happiness with private sessions in the comfort of your home.

We argue because we disagree. People argue because they disagree. It is because each person thinks they are right. Consider the possibility that you may be wrong. Look at the argument from the other person's viewpoint. How important is it for you to be "right?" Sit down and discuss the issue rationally. Agree on points that are not so important to you. Arguing with your partner will normally shutdown any possibilities of good sex, never mind great lovemaking.

If you disagree with your partner on anything, be willing to sit down and discuss it. I suggest you get naked, sit in the middle of the bed with your legs crossed facing each other. Only three rules.

1. Do not allow phone calls, or any other disturbance to interfere with the negotiations.

2. No sleep until a mutually agreeable solution is found. And

3. No sex until the problem is solved to each person's satisfaction.

THE CHATTER AND DEMANDS OF CHILDREN can present roadblocks to the romance you may have known in your "pre-children" years. Hint: With younger children put them to bed earlier so you have some evening time to romance each other. With older and more inquisitive children, schedule seductive, all night trips away from home for love, passion and premeditated lovemaking. Escape from the pressures of everyday activities and take time for yourselves. Go out on a date every couple of weeks for a weekend to remember.

Men: Take your lady out on a date for dinner and an overnight at a local hotel or motel with dinner can go a long ways. Be romantic and remember to send or bring flowers.

Ladies: Your man is taking you out on a date and wants to seduce you. Help him. Toss out the old flannel nightie and replace it with something that will be exciting for both of you. Dress to be undressed. Enjoy the dinner and find only good things about the evening. Expect to make passionate Love.

Always be sure to make time for yourself and your partner. Your good lovin' is important!

The first time a man loses and erection or does not get an erection he panics. He feels like he has lost his manhood and fears it will never come back. Guys, it is normal to lose an erection or maybe not even get an erection once in a great while. Age typically is not a problem. Men have sired children in their 70's and 80's and you can too!

If you are having an erection problem check with your medical doctor first. If there are no medical reason for your problem then it's probably all in your head and we can fix that! There are a couple of good reasons why you may be having difficulty getting an erection.

On the extreme edge, you may be with or have been with, what I call a castrating female. She belittles you and demands you perform more, better or differently. Even if she is no longer in your life, you may find "performing" for your new lover a problem.

Guilt is an erection killer. Very often guys will have a problem getting an erection when out with someone other than their wife. When they get home and attempt to make love with the wife, guilt over their affair overcomes them and their penis fails them.

Face it guys sometimes sex is not as exciting as you thought it might be and you lose interest. If you lost interest or maybe just didn't feel like having sex, you may lose your erection or not even get one.

Sometimes a fright, like her boyfriend walking in, causes you to lose the erection. The next time you are in a sexual situation, you remember losing your erection and you began to worry about that happening again. You never worried about losing an erection before that incident but since then all you worry about is not getting or losing the erection. Guess what happens? That's right. HINT: Focus on all the times you have gotten an erection instead.

If you get an erection in your sleep or when looking at the playboy centerfold. If you get and maintain an erection during masturbation, impotence is all in your head and can be corrected.

Having a problem with premature ejaculation (PE) really limits the fun you and your partner can have. Typically a PE occurs just before or immediately after vaginal penetration. Anxiety of premature ejaculation or a fear of ruining the sexual encounter with a PE is the usual cause. Anxiety and fear only increase the chances for a PE. As with erection problems, if there is no medical reason for PE then it simply must be some inappropriate thinking which is keeping you from some serious lovemaking. This is correctable.

While not exclusive to women, a lack of sexual desire tends to be more of a feminine trait. It may be simply because the man in her life is not romancing her the way he use to. Perhaps too many meaningless sexual encounters have left her expecting little or no pleasure, so the attitude is "why bother?" Often the stress and tension of everyday life, work, kids, laundry, cooking, etc. leave little room for sex, never mind lovemaking.

Sometimes the troubles are deeper. Possible sexual molestation as a youngster, rape, an ineffective or uncaring partner in the past. Mother may have taught her that sex was dirty and only a duty to be endured. Some religions have a very intolerant attitude about sex scaring the young child with possible fear or loathing of sex. If the religious impressions are deep enough they can suppress normal sexual response as an adult. Too much pain at childbirth and a hidden anxiety of making more babies can destroy lovemaking even when precautions are taken.

Unless there is an apparent physical problem, the inability to enjoy sexual intercourse lies not between your legs, but between your ears. Healthy women should be able to enjoy making love as much or even more than men. As a woman you owe it to yourself to frequently experience the joys of lovemaking.

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Traditional Approaches

You could spend many fruitless months and years of embarrassing talk about your sex problems with a psychologist or a sex counselor. The results, while they sound promising, are too often disappointing. The reason? Traditional approaches may agree that your troubles are all in your subconscious mind, but their therapy is normally directed towards making conscious change. If you could have made the change consciously, you would have already done it yourself! They will ask you to talk about embarrassing things, perform "sex exercises" then report back with details of the exercise.

Dr. Gagnon's Mind Strategy^TM solutions are more appropriate. The problems you have are not conscious, that is you don't do what you do on purpose do you? No of course not, the problem is subconscious. We help you to reprogram your unconscious mind where the problem has been. Soon, sooner than you would expect, you will be enjoying sexual activity more than ever.

If your sex problems are traumatic and deeply rooted in rage, anger, sadness, shame, guilt and/or betrayal as a result of sexual abuse or rape, look towards a few private sessions in the privacy of your home. In most cases we can help you to rapidly clear whatever has been blocking your peak sexual performance so you can fully enjoy your sexuality.

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